fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
