The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
