girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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