she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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