i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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