I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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