I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
