Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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