the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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