i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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