I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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