please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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