There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There r osticjed everywhere
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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