I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
