why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
