Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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