Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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