i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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