remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
