I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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