she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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