Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
