What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
