and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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