ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
