What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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