They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
