i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
