yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
