if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
