so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
