More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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