I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
