found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
