You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
