Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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