so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just forgot I was standing up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
