Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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