Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
