Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
