I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He passed out mid-signature
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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