I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
