we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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