my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
