theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
