is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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