In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
