I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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