you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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