I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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